Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Push to Open

So here's another one; the first being the tulip scenario.  I had a meeting with a guy, Paul, who was leaving his office the same time I was, so we walked out together.  He suggested we take the stairs so I pushed the door to the stairwell.  It didn't open.  I pushed again, harder.  Still nothing.  So I pushed harder.  I think I pushed it four times, harder each time.  Paul chuckled and another guy walking past us gave me a "Settle down, there.  Everything's gonna be just fine" kinda smile while he pushed the big green button that said" Push to Open".  Ohhhh! Right.

I laughed, as I'm doing now, recalling the ridiculousness of the situation and how foolish I looked, except I really didn't care about that.  I cared more about the symbolism behind it.  That's how I live my life.  Pushing, pushing, pushing, even when the thing clearly isn't working.  "I'm in control!  Me!  I got this!"

Letting go is so hard.  It's much easier to hold on tightly to what feels safe.  What a false sense of security, holding on to illusions.  In fact, I feel chaotic and uncertain when I'm pushing and trying to secure control that I will never have.  We already are safe.  Always have been and always will be.  It's the vulnerability that's scary, but that's the only place we'll find what's real.


  1. Letting go of our perceived control is always easier said than done. You are definitely not the only one who struggles with this.

    1. Maybe when we reach enlightenment, right? Thank you for your support, Suzanne!