Push to Open

So here's another one; the first being the tulip scenario.  I had a meeting with a guy, Paul, who was leaving his office the same time I was, so we walked out together.  He suggested we take the stairs so I pushed the door to the stairwell.  It didn't open.  I pushed again, harder.  Still nothing.  So I pushed harder.  I think I pushed it four times, harder each time.  Paul chuckled and another guy walking past us gave me a "Settle down, there.  Everything's gonna be just fine" kinda smile while he pushed the big green button that said" Push to Open".  Ohhhh! Right.

I laughed, as I'm doing now, recalling the ridiculousness of the situation and how foolish I looked, except I really didn't care about that.  I cared more about the symbolism behind it.  That's how I live my life.  Pushing, pushing, pushing, even when the thing clearly isn't working.  "I'm in control!  Me!  I got this!"

Letting go is so hard.  It's much easier to hold on tightly to what feels safe.  What a false sense of security, holding on to illusions.  In fact, I feel chaotic and uncertain when I'm pushing and trying to secure control that I will never have.  We already are safe.  Always have been and always will be.  It's the vulnerability that's scary, but that's the only place we'll find what's real.