Knowing

If there's one thing I have learned on my journey, it's to trust myself.  My friend, Kathleen, and I joke about how I was when I first started on this path and was going through a divorce.  I would call her and say, "I don't know what I think... tell me what I think!"  I used to just plain assume I didn't know the answer.  I had no idea how to trust myself and was much more comfortable following whoever was in front of me.

Wow, is that different now.  Now when I'm cloudy, I get impatient and frustrated and wish I knew exactly what to do, but really I know that it's just not time to take action.  I've learned to differentiate between analytical conclusions, which sometimes are right on, and what I KNOW.  When I know it, I know it and there is absolutely nothing anyone can say to sway me.  I know it through every cell of my body and in the deepest part of my soul because it's really an awakening to the truth.  It's when I'm getting in touch with my higher self and the thing that is exactly right for me.

When I find myself in a vortex of confusion about what to do next, I have to remind myself that I know the answer and ask my brain to step aside for a moment.  I feel for the right answer and trust whatever comes to me.  I always find myself saying, "Okay, yeah, I already knew that." Always behind the confusion, the truth is uncomfortable for me, like having to tell the truth to someone when it's the most scary thing to do ever, or having to sit still to feel sad about something I've been avoiding my entire life.  Yikes!

It feels confusing because the truth is competing with the ego.  An internal battle between what my soul knows to be true and the story that my ego likes to tell about who I am and what I like to do.  No matter how spiritually evolved or intuitive a person is, no human being knows better about me and my life than I do.  I honestly thought they did.  It's' so liberating to know that I know what to do.