Friday, March 4, 2011

Calm in Uncertainty

My life is in transition now, with big decisions to be made, uncharted territory to navigate through and no certain signs of what the future holds.  I spin on my gerbil wheel, trying to get one thing settled, then another from my list.  When I reach the end of the list, is that when peace sets in?
I've felt a range of emotions throughout the last few years as I have rearranged my life, from complete agony to utter bliss.  Up and down, up and down, with bliss wedging its way in more often and the painful emotions taking less and less of a hold on me.
Though things are generally looking up, I still encounter the nagging feeling like "things" aren't quite as settled as I would like.  I have to remind myself that life is just that way.  It's ever-changing.  The goal is not to get everything into perfect order and then feel peace.  It doesn't work that way.  New issues pop up constantly.  I never know what is around the next corner, even if I thought I put an issue to rest and have moved on from it.  Nope.  Here it comes again.
The calm is not ever going to be in the "things".  It has to be in me if I'm ever going to feel it.  I want to accept my circumstances as they are and feel the peace that comes with acceptance.  If I can remember that a core of peace and love exists within me and all I need to do is relax and accept myself for all that I am, with the joy and exuberance, the anger and sadness, and the ever-changing circumstances, I won't need to fret.  It's all okay and serves a purpose.  If I can accept that, I can feel calm in the uncertainty.