No Pointing Fingers

Anger is rarely about the thing that brought up the anger.  Anger is such a blessing, because if you look straight at it and get to know it and to know yourself through it, light is shed on the darkness.  I had been asking to know and heal my anger and irritability that I had been holding onto for so long.  So there is was, right in front of me, though I certainly didn't see it clearly at first.

Last week, a friend of mine told me about her being mistreated by a man she was dating.  I was very suddenly and surprisingly angry.  I wanted to give her the space she needed to make her own mistakes and live through her own process of learning without judgement.  I know that's what I need from my friends.  Instead, I was consumed with anger and sadness and focused on how wrong she was for allowing herself to be mistreated.  What I wish I would have done is noticed that she was bringing up so many emotions for me, told her that I needed the time and space to process through the emotions on my own, and then addressed them with her if it was still necessary, from a place of love in my heart.

Unfortunately, that's not what I did.  Instead, I had begun to process through it all and to understand where the anger and hurt were coming from, but was still angry with her for being so careless with herself.  I felt that she "needed" me (that's another story!), so went ahead with the ensuing conversations and proceeded to spew my unprocessed thoughts and feelings all over her.  She felt hurt enough by me that she no longer wants to be my friend.  Zowie!  What have I done?

So on I go, seeking deeper and deeper inside myself for the answers.  It's ME I need to look at, not her! It's ME that put up with mistreatment for a very long time. It's ME that hasn't yet forgiven myself for it. Someone said to me this weekend, "when you're pointing the finger at someone else, there are four fingers pointing back at you." Isn't that the truth!  I have no doubt that this situation that feels like a lot of hurt, will transform itself into healing for the highest good.